Protego Maxima

Setting up boundaries, establishing selves, releasing anger, exploring anonymity. Welcome!


Working through microaggressions

Yesterday I had a series of frustrating interactions that interrupted an otherwise wonderful day! I was with friends enjoying sun and ocean - there was a boat ride, there was naked swimming, it was all sorts of good things.

Then there was THAT guy. There's always THAT guy. First little microaggression - he saw sunscreen on my face and said, 'Oh can I just rub that in for you - ' and simultaneously started rubbing my face. I do not like having my face touched. Especially by man strangers. I'm really sensitive about my face because I don't like my facial hair and it feels like fire needles when people touch it. And I just... didn't react much. Then he said, 'it's a part of the gender division of labor! Men have to tell the women to wipe up the mascara from their faces and women have to tell the men when there are hairs coming out of their ears and noses - harhahhar'. I just... don't find that funny. I don't think facial hair is a man thing and I don't think make up is a woman thing and I don't appreciate someone rubbing their shitty heterosexuality in my face.

Then we got home and were all saying goodbye. He mentioned me being involved in a queer organizing group. And then he proceeded to tell me all about how he is normal so he never had to think about queer. I shit you not the man went on and ON about how he was born normal and there are some people who are born with his gender but think they have my gender (his attempt at mansplaining me trans... what the fucking turd ass fuck) and he told me that normal is just something we all decided is good but REALLY it's just a mathematical thing. Okay I never decided normal was good. I wandered away and mumbled I felt overwhelmed to get out of it... but it was seriously unsatisfying.

Going to bed last night the rush of memories came back. My girlfriend asked if it would help to role play what happened and to speak up and act out how I would have liked to respond. IT WAS AMAZING. Girlfriend win moment. I slapped her hand off my face several times until I no longer felt his hand possessively clinging to my face and we came up with a series of burns together. Fuck yea, supportive girlfriend.

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